 |
Coming to terms with myself was very frightening sometimes. The process of getting there is vulnerable and beautiful, but also involves a lot of unveiling hidden thought patterns and detecting socially imposed actions. Like for example I always thought that if I were a people´s person, I have to be able to be around crowds all the time. Which I am not. Therefore, maybe I´m a loner? But I like to be around people! Just not always.
I discovered that my thinking was (and partly still is) very black and white when it comes to myself. I kept bombarding myself with "I´m this!" or "I´m not this!" thoughts. "I´m so slow!" or "I´m absolutely not a motherly person." When the truth is: Sometimes I am. Sometimes I´m not.
To me it wasn´t so much about where others push me. It´s where I push myself. But the main question should be: Why push anyway? Why not just be? This is where silence is a good teacher. I sat down on my cosy carpet with a cup of hot chocolate and just listened to myself. All of what I thought about myself, all of my thoughts, all of the stories that I created about what I was or should be: They were mere concepts of me.
To get a sense of who I was, I had to put myself into a box. And then I had to break free from it. Which seems brutal because you have to destroy the box and start from scratch.
 |
The result from this feels like opening my eyes from blindness.I´m extremely happy and extremely grateful. I love the people that the universe has brought into my life along the way as well as I love my family and am able to see them from a new perspective. I´m trying to spread some of the happiness with something like illustrations I do on the sidewalk or picking up garbage whenever I see it. (Picking up trash is one of the best ways to make you feel better instantly. Head out, bring a bag along and help nature to relieve some of the itchiness going on there.)
I also realized that it´s not a bad thing to have the need for solitude. It just makes me able to focus and act with integrity; to be able to come back and be my best self. So I can have days like this one. Here´s my little share. Enjoy!
Tomorrow is a new day for everyone.
5 things I am grateful for today:
- Watching the private documentation of Klara Harden, making her way across Iceland alone.
- Cheese and butter popcorn.
- Laughing tears with my brother while watching silly youtube videos. You gotta have one of these days where you delightfully stay inside and do nothing but having fun.
- Falling asleep and waking up to rainy weather.
- Fresh Raw Bakery supply!
Sunshine to you!
XOXO,
Once again you have written a post(just like the last one! :D ) that i needed to read/hear. ^___^ I put myself into a box as well, and sometimes I tend to get confused because of all the 'this' and 'thats' don't go together, in my mind at least. I am so glad you have broken free from it, even if just partially. That is GREAT!
ReplyDeleteAnd, I just love your video! :D Is that you playing the music? It's so pretty! *hugs*
-Merry
I´m so glad you can relate to it! Isn´t it interesting of how the ego longs for a clearly defined picture of what we are instead of focusing on experiencing and just being and loving?
ReplyDeleteThe music is from jamendo.com. The artist is called "Ton". Jamendo is down right now, I´ll try to post the link later.
HUGS TO YOU TOO!
Hey Natalie! I went through some of your older posts and noticed that you've been on a journey of self discovery/Inner tranquility for quite some time. That's something You and I have in common. :) I started with the book Sacred Selfishness by Dr. Bud Harris and it opened my eyes tremendously. I was wondering if you have any recommended reading to help with the continuation of my journey and bring about some enlightenment? I would greatly appreciate any suggestions. Thanks! :)
ReplyDelete