If you had told me some half year ago that there would come a time, where I would stop blogging for a whole month, I probably would have laughed at you and said something like "Never ever going to happen! I need to blog! Need to! You understand?!?" Maybe even involving some grabbing by the shoulders and maniacally shaking. I would not have been able to even imagine a special moment in my life that I wouldn´t have wanted to share on my blog.
Yet I noticed that something inside of me was yearning for silence. There was a part of me that needed full attention. That wanted to be listened to. For the past months I have been feeling overwhelmed with the possibilities that spread itself before me. I am totally and utterly free, I don´t depend on anybody. What do I want to do? I needed to sit with that question.
What do I want to do? That´s a big one. Of all the things in life, where do I want to put my creative energy into? Where is my focus? It wasn´t like I felt lost. My mind went crazy with "Oh, you could make more with puppets! Or you should make more movies! Try make something professional out of your blog! And don´t forget to make tutorials! And videos! And photos! Did you try knitting recently? How about doing something creative with washi tape? By the way: You should be more creative. I mean look at you. You don´t even do anything that could be idetified with you. What a shame!"
My brain was probably right. There wasn´t something…well, how do I put it? There wasn´t something out there that was totally and utterly me. I sat down and for two weeks straight I did nothing. I went to work, I got back home, I had no internet, no TV, no radio. No influences whatsoever. Just me and silence.
There was a particular day on a weekend where I went to the Vienna Kids Farm with some dear friends of mine. It was one of those days where you feel like you need nature and the close connection to animals. I tell you: It was heaven. The farm is such a hidden treasure. Sheeps, goats, goose, horses, a lovely donkey, chickens, a wild herbary and a pumpkin covered vegetable garden. Within all of this, there was a point where something like enlightenment struck me. The kids went to the rabbit hutch with me and we fed them some crops. Grain by grain.
The surprising thing about it was, that the rabbits weren´t greedy at all. In fact you could watch them cuddle with each other, clean their friends or just sit in the sunshine and doze happily. I turned to my friend and said: "They look like Tibetan rabbits, praying for world peace." The rabbits looked like they had it all figured out. The next day it came to me that I wanted to paint one of them. An enlightened rabbit, happily praying.
It´s funny how you sometimes need to go around the world, seeking for something in every corner only to find that you go back to what always touched and moved you. With me it´s animals and illustration. It has always been.
The twist in the plot is the aspect of enlightenment. I think animals are much more zen masters than we are. They experience the now as it is, they don´t conjure up concepts of how their life should be. If you have ever seen a cat sleeping in the sunlight or if you ever met the loving behaviour of an affectionate horse, you know what I am talking about. They are unconditional love itself, wrapped in fur and puppy eyes and they will show you. There is nothing more inspiring to me. It´s something that I aspire to become. And they do teach me well.
5 things I am grateful for today:
- Hula Cam at Burning Man 2012. A GoPro Cam mounted onto a hoop. Such a breathtaking video about this gorgeous planet we live on. (Be warned, not save for work.)
- Walking into the kitchen at work in the morning and finding free chocolate that a colleague brought for everyone.
- The cat ghost puppet is so cute, it gives me goosebumps. Apart from the song just being very very nice.
- Noming hot chocolate powder with a spoon. No milk added.
- Watching waaaay too many Ragdoll cat videos. You know where this is getting…
Have a wonderful day! I missed you!