You know the situation: you sit in a restaurant, in a cafe or somewhere else. You are at a party with some friends probably. You are introduced to a friend of a friend of a friend.
At first you thought that the conversation might be nice, considering that this person seems somewhat intelligent and witty. You laugh a bit, talk about the season or the weather. After a couple of minutes the conversation takes a turn. The topic can be pretty random. From that co-worker to their mother to drivers in general. Basically everyone on this planet is either stupid or an asshole. Or both. Well, not you obviously, since he or she even bothered to speak to you (smirk). But everyone else: complete losers.
So I ask myself: How is it that my life is full of wonderful, creative and kind-hearted people while theirs is not? Am I just lucky? Or do I possess some magic woo-woo spells that I cast onto everyone, feverishly waving incense sticks?
It's neither of course.
Don´t get me wrong. I know it´s very easy to end up being surrounded by negative people, especially when you´re a teenager or in your early twenties… but then thinking of it, some stay around until forever, so there isn´t really an age limit to it. Everyone is insecure and has the need to socialize and we accept people into our lives to have them on "our side", yet hardly want to see the truth: These people stab a knife into your back as soon as you turn around.
"It isn't what they say about you, it's what they whisper." (Errol Flynn)
Assholes (generally people I consider to be rude, unfriendly, immoral, two-faced, dishonest, disrespectful, nonprofessional, impudent, presuming, resentful…etc. You can fill in whatever is true to you) will never be on anyone´s side. They will be on the side of the people who can do the most for them at the given situation and then they´ll just forget about the favors they received and move on with their destructive way of abusing others.
I have a very strict rule. I am committed to my morals and ethics. I will not let assholes come into or stay in my life. Yes, I have gone through periods of absolute solitude. I have been alone for long periods of time because I knew that certain contacts weren´t good for me. Loneliness is easier to take than to betray my morality. This is true for my real life as well as my online presence. If I find someone talking negatively on facebook all the time and just complaining about everyone and everything, I will delete them. Same with twitter, tumblr, formspring and random blogs.
You can be held accountable for the company you keep. You have decided to let these people into your life in the first place. You choose which contacts you keep and which you ignore. So if you are a perfect darling, but your friends are less than nice, chances are that I won´t hang out with you a lot. Their behavior will rub off onto you. We learn from watching and imitating people, just like monkeys do. You have no intentions to become this way, but eventually going to and you have to be aware of that.
Who do you hang out with? Where do you draw the line?
This person that I met at the party has a problem. It´s their
attitude. Their way they perceive others. If you think that everyone is stupid, then everyone will be stupid in your eyes. Their focus is on the things that upset them or that annoy them. Sometimes the people around us aren´t as bad as we think, but we don´t give them the chance because we tend to generalize and throw them all into the same pot. If you find yourself hating everyone, maybe it´s time to switch up your thinking.
Some surround themselves with others who bring them down because they search for
obstacles that keep them from following their dream. They do this subconsciously. Somehow we think that we won´t make it anyway or that we don´t deserve the best.
"He who is in love with himself has at least this advantage - he won't encounter many rivals." (Georg Christoph Lichtenberg)
I am here to tell you: Yes, there are many mean people in this world. There are people who will make you feel awful that you are alive. They will hate everything you say, everything you do, everything you wear and everything you like. You´ll probably encounter them in situations that you cannot run from, like at for example at work. They will walk into the room and you will feel awful. They will make you wish that they weren´t there or that you suddenly became invisible so that you could secretly sneak away.
Here is were the "fault" comes in: You choose to have those feelings. You choose to hang out with these people and to put your focus onto them. You choose to put your focus onto them instead of concentrating onto the people who are actually brilliant and don´t make you feel as sucky.
Sort them out. First clean them out in your mind. You don´t have to be affected by anyone unless you let it happen. The more you think about a mean person, the angrier you will get, meaning that you´ll give them more space and attention for even more anger to build up. You have better things to think about, I swear! Mean words or nasty comments can hit you in the face or pass you by. Your emotions and reactions are yours only and you are the only one in control. Move. Do something. Get out and write down a list of people that you meet during the day who you think are awesome. That girl wearing the red shoes. That guy there walking his dog while he is perfectly happy. That woman with the colorful coat and the contagious smile.
In fact the world is full of amazing characters, waiting for you to connect to them. You personally are responsible for your contacts. That woe-is-me attitude, that false believe of how you will never be around the right people only proves that you are holding yourself back. Tailor your own social circle. Even if it takes time, don´t give up. Prove to yourself that you deserve better, take responsibility for whom you let into your life. You are the only one in control.
So how did this conversation at the party end? I could have stayed and listened. I could have told him or her to follow the rules (and read my blog). Or I could have just left for somewhere else.
"Oh, I need to pee. Like Niagara Falls. Excuse me."
Big hugs and happy Friday!
XOXO,
